I' have certainly come across enough people who gave up Counseling or Therapy simply because it made them feel bad. It was the only time in the week they found themselves talking about all the bad things in their life instead of actually doing something about them. So, is it possible to increase this magical, self esteem without touching on all that other complicated one? Self esteem is affected by 2 things; our core personality and how we treat ourselves. Most articles and publicity is usually concerned with the latter; how we treat ourselves. This is important, but equally, is our underlying personality make up. It is particularly of the reason personality traits, Self Defeating Personality Trait and Dependent Personality. If you happen to have high scores in either or both of these areas you will find it harder to increase your self esteem. Not impossible, but harder. You may experience an underlying feeling that no matter what you do, you just can't feel good about yourself. A belief that is unlikely to disappear over night, it can be effectively balanced by discovering alternative evidence. It often just doesn't feel right to start looking for it.
At the beginning of any therapeutic program for low self esteem it's really important to test not only the level of self esteem but also these important personality traits. With people that have high scores in both of these traits extra care and special attention needs to be paid to developing effective counter strategies. Although this sounds complicated, in reality it's not. There are many good questionnaires that will accurately measure not only self esteem but also other personality traits. These are usually conducted by suitably qualified and experienced psychiatrists or psychologists. The true source of self-esteem does not lie in achieving or not achieving a preconceived level of success or in obtaining (or failing to obtain) a certain status or even having or not having certain things, because the self cannot be defined by things or status; by positions or power. Granted we have been conditioned to believe that our self-worth can be gauged by those things that we have or do not have, but the true source of self esteem, of feeling worthy of happiness, comes from our ability to see ourselves as human beings and the ability to accept and respect ourselves exactly the way we are.
Does that sound too simplistic? Perhaps it does, and perhaps it will leave you with your eyebrows knit and asking "well, that's nice, but how does one go from connecting one's self esteem by ones successes or failures to seeing ourselves worthy of respect and happiness?" That, my friends, is the real challenge, for now that you know the true source of self esteem, it is time to learn how to build up that self-esteem so that you can view yourself as worthy of the respect and happiness that are your due.
Ibrahim Khalil 13/07/2011
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